but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
