Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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