I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
