So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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