Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
