Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
