She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
