He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
