so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We are two peas in an std pod
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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