I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
