If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
