There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
