So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
