That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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