Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
