Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
