I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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