I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
