Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
