I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
