Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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