like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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