I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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