I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
