I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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