She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
