Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
