I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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