remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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