so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
