I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
