Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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