His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
