I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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