it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
