so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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