My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
