Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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