making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
