wakey wakey hands off snakey
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
