There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
