The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
