He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
