You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
