9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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