if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
