for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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