I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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