Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
time to smoke my breakfast
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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