i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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