I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
