im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
