bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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