His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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